8/21/17
A Poet on Mars

are you actually reading these? this webpage clearly isn't finished.

here, if you're so bored read this sad story I wrote for an English assignment in high school.
 

            The actions of that day made my life spiral into a dark, deep pit. I think back on it a lot. I often wonder what would happen if it wasn’t raining. If there were no cars on the road. If we had headed out at a different time. Thinking makes me realize how small of a chance, how many possibilities, and out of all the atoms in the universe I happened to loose you.          

            While you have been gone, I am constantly thinking of chances. Even now as I write this, my mother is in the kitchen, and she breaks open an egg to find two yolks. A subtle but yet rare finding. Car crashes are not rare. What is rare, is me finding you before you left. Finding my soulmate and losing you.

            I remember the day I cried in your arms. It was after school, after I had done my time in the detention room. I was in a horrible mood. The pounding headache behind my eyes was not helping either. I had been suicidal in the past, but not as much as that day. I debated running away. I was so close to walking out of school, and going down the railroad tracks, walking until my legs give out; that was until I called you. You begged your mom to let me over. I sat in the passenger seat with my eyes watering, waiting till we arrived at your house. When we got there I buried my face in your chest while you wrapped your comforting arms around me. “I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry,” I repeatedly quivered “I’m so sorry.”  

            Your words of comfort is what got me through that night. If you were not there, I would be gone like you are now.

            When you left, you left me with one less family member. I currently have my mother, and my older brother. I used to have a father, but he was no longer considered family once he was sent to jail after molesting his only daughter.  It was that hardship that made me depressed. There were times I felt horrible about what I had put my dad though. I loved him, but he hurt me, and now he lives alone. I still cry when I think of him. Even though he put me through immense pain and stress he is still human, like me, and like you. I hate thinking about how lonely he is right now.

            When you left, I became alone. I spent so much time with you that my other relationships grew weak. You were my favorite person and I would always go to you. That is why my friend, Martha, began to hate me. I could tell she was jealous. She started by spreading rumors and pretending she didn’t know about it. To this day, it is unclear whether she truly said those words about me. I could ask witnesses, but to be honest, I don’t want to know the truth. One day I decided to tell her off. I was expecting her to be upset, not sad. I felt horrible for making my best friend cry. I felt like an awful person. That was the night I cried in your arms. 

            Now that you left I miss the time we spent. I miss watching cartoons with you, and play with the dogs out back. I miss spending summers together, going on beach trips. I miss teaching you guitar, and how your fingers were always too big for the strings. 

            But when you left I could not play guitar; it hurt too much. I have not touched the strings since. I could not eat for three days; the fourth day the pain was too much. I did not want to get out of bed; I sobbed so much my eyes were sore. 

      I think back on that night a lot. The way you hummed to the songs on the radio. I was so focused on going home and falling asleep in my warm bed. We were so close to home when it happened. The screaming tires, the busting glass. I faintly remember kissing your blood stained forehead. After that, the only memories I have left of that night was waking up in the hospital with a fractured arm. If only it were me in front of the wheel instead of you. I did not believe it at first. I did not believe you were gone. I had thought it was a bad dream.

            When you left, I never got to say goodbye.